Legacy
From the beginning of measured time the human race has shown examples of fathers leaving to their sons a legacy for their succession. A man, striving to serve his family well, will often times step up and establish the family name so it is recognized in conjunction with an act, or deed, or event that will be beholden to the hearts of all who's ears the family name should fall upon. It is then the duty of the eldest son to carry on the name and reputation for which it is known with honor and dignity.
For any or all who do not know of which I speak, here are a few examples;
God and Jesus. God sent his one begotten son to die for all of mans sins. Had there not been an apple and a serpent then Adam might have sufficed and there would not have been a need for the great flood or Easter, or lent for that matter (I could sure go for a Stoli O right about now). As it turned out we (humans) can sin as much as we want and Jesus (thanks in part to Mel Gibson) is a movie star as well as the subject for best selling authors with a single name like; Luke, John, Paul, George, Ringo and Cher.
Prince Charles and William and Harry. Prince Charles has been in the limelight for such a long time that it feels like he has just always been with us. His own legacy appears to be the throne of England and upon delivery of the kingdom Charles has vowed to finally take Scotland so England can host the Open Championship every year without sharing its tradition with "those sheep bladder playin' skirts".
Aside from possibly developing the ears and knobby knees, these sons' legacies may greatly differ from each other. William has vowed to "get as much tail as I can bloody well get." while growing in to adulthood, and Harry, well, he's a Nazi lover. So long live the King, PLEASE?
The Husseins. Oh sorry! My Bad! His sons are all dead and he might as well be. Bad example.
The Kennedys. Can you believe that after all the Kennedy influence in the U.S. and around the world, from bootlegging in the 20's and 30's to buying a Presidency, through two assasinations and two car crashes, three debilitating illnesses and the crown prince of New York dying in a plane crash, all they are left with is Arnold. The Republican Gubernator from Austria is here to "pump us up " (Ted Kennedy, the 80 proof bloat that he his, need no pumping maybe a little trimming. Keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times or until you hit the water at which time you may swim for your own life disregarding whatever skank may be drowning in your passenger seat and please, try to replace the guard rail.) Good luck Arnie, I hope this works out better than Kindergarten Cop.
The Bush Family. Ah! G-Bu has the greatest legacy success story of all. He left a life of luxury and posh to preserve the family name and the influence that it will have on history. George II (I just realized that this is really one of two things; a bad sequel to a bad movie or, I should still be talking about England's royal family. Did we not once have a problem with a King named George?) was sitting in his luxury box eating peanuts and cracker jack and certainly not caring if he ever got back (he was soooooo stoned) while watching Nolan Ryan and his Texas Rangers limp through the 162 game baseball season each year.
In 1994 he began his quest for the oval office by dethroning a screaming liberal female govenor who did not among other things, relate to the ever growing Hispanic community. In 2000 "Jorge the Inquisitor" slipped past "Big Gay Al" (with a little help from his brother Jeb and the other Clampetts) to ascend to the most powerful position in the free world, Celebrity Jeopardy Champion. Bring on Ken!
His legacy is however not the West Wing (that belongs to Martin Sheen and Emilo Estevez has already called next) but Saddam. The only two American world leaders who have ever gone to war in Iraq were George I and GeorgeII (back with a vengeance) and this was only after watching Lawrence of Arabia to inspire them. In George II (back with a vengeance) they actually capture Saddam and prepare him for trial while spreading democracy throughout the Middle East (look for Keno to hit Baghdad liquor stores by early fall).
Be patient, because Disney is planning a 2008 release of George III (Jeb, Jenna and Little Barb in 3-D). We are told that Saddam escapes prison and builds a laser on the moon which will destroy earth. Thankfully Jeb, Jenna and Little Barb encounter some gamma rays while consuming Bahamaritas and Ultimate Pina'coladas at the Pearl Champagne Lounge in South Beach and develop super powers. Super Bushes to the rescue! Advance tickets are recommended.
My family is no different. Alright, my dad is no world leader or actor, no sports personality nor evil dictator (that was my mom) but there is a legacy in the Guy family to be left for me.
Eyebrows.
My dad has eyebrows that you could lose a 1984 Ford Escort in. Think Jack Elam (you may remember him as Dr. Nikolas Van Helsing from Cannonball Run, Duh-Duh-Dunnn). I made some inquires to see if there was anything to be done for him since his eyebrows are merging with what was a receding hairline, and the only person who thought that they could help was John Deere. But even he was skeptical about the outcome.
Now I come from a family where if you have a weakness or minor malady it is fair game for the other family members to verbally attack you until you cry. Then we take a break until the tears stop. So for years I have been teasing my old man about his eyebrows. "Hey Dad take your visor off." Ha! Ha! Ha! Then one day about two years ago I saw it in the mirror. One eyebrow longer than the rest and aimed in the opposite direction. I froze. This can not be.
Plucking, trimming and primping are all part of my daily routine now. I used to be tough guy and now every day is like Ambush Makeover in my own home. Had I known that it would be like this I would have had laser surgery long ago. I am considering removing my eyebrows permanently and having the perfect eyebrows tattooed on my face.
As with most things, it could be a lot worse. I can groom my eyebrows with little effort (lots of recent practice) and it gives me time to reflect on myself. Oh, and if you are starting to feel sorry for me, don't. My brother got dads nose.
For any or all who do not know of which I speak, here are a few examples;
God and Jesus. God sent his one begotten son to die for all of mans sins. Had there not been an apple and a serpent then Adam might have sufficed and there would not have been a need for the great flood or Easter, or lent for that matter (I could sure go for a Stoli O right about now). As it turned out we (humans) can sin as much as we want and Jesus (thanks in part to Mel Gibson) is a movie star as well as the subject for best selling authors with a single name like; Luke, John, Paul, George, Ringo and Cher.
Prince Charles and William and Harry. Prince Charles has been in the limelight for such a long time that it feels like he has just always been with us. His own legacy appears to be the throne of England and upon delivery of the kingdom Charles has vowed to finally take Scotland so England can host the Open Championship every year without sharing its tradition with "those sheep bladder playin' skirts".
Aside from possibly developing the ears and knobby knees, these sons' legacies may greatly differ from each other. William has vowed to "get as much tail as I can bloody well get." while growing in to adulthood, and Harry, well, he's a Nazi lover. So long live the King, PLEASE?
The Husseins. Oh sorry! My Bad! His sons are all dead and he might as well be. Bad example.
The Kennedys. Can you believe that after all the Kennedy influence in the U.S. and around the world, from bootlegging in the 20's and 30's to buying a Presidency, through two assasinations and two car crashes, three debilitating illnesses and the crown prince of New York dying in a plane crash, all they are left with is Arnold. The Republican Gubernator from Austria is here to "pump us up " (Ted Kennedy, the 80 proof bloat that he his, need no pumping maybe a little trimming. Keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times or until you hit the water at which time you may swim for your own life disregarding whatever skank may be drowning in your passenger seat and please, try to replace the guard rail.) Good luck Arnie, I hope this works out better than Kindergarten Cop.
The Bush Family. Ah! G-Bu has the greatest legacy success story of all. He left a life of luxury and posh to preserve the family name and the influence that it will have on history. George II (I just realized that this is really one of two things; a bad sequel to a bad movie or, I should still be talking about England's royal family. Did we not once have a problem with a King named George?) was sitting in his luxury box eating peanuts and cracker jack and certainly not caring if he ever got back (he was soooooo stoned) while watching Nolan Ryan and his Texas Rangers limp through the 162 game baseball season each year.
In 1994 he began his quest for the oval office by dethroning a screaming liberal female govenor who did not among other things, relate to the ever growing Hispanic community. In 2000 "Jorge the Inquisitor" slipped past "Big Gay Al" (with a little help from his brother Jeb and the other Clampetts) to ascend to the most powerful position in the free world, Celebrity Jeopardy Champion. Bring on Ken!
His legacy is however not the West Wing (that belongs to Martin Sheen and Emilo Estevez has already called next) but Saddam. The only two American world leaders who have ever gone to war in Iraq were George I and GeorgeII (back with a vengeance) and this was only after watching Lawrence of Arabia to inspire them. In George II (back with a vengeance) they actually capture Saddam and prepare him for trial while spreading democracy throughout the Middle East (look for Keno to hit Baghdad liquor stores by early fall).
Be patient, because Disney is planning a 2008 release of George III (Jeb, Jenna and Little Barb in 3-D). We are told that Saddam escapes prison and builds a laser on the moon which will destroy earth. Thankfully Jeb, Jenna and Little Barb encounter some gamma rays while consuming Bahamaritas and Ultimate Pina'coladas at the Pearl Champagne Lounge in South Beach and develop super powers. Super Bushes to the rescue! Advance tickets are recommended.
My family is no different. Alright, my dad is no world leader or actor, no sports personality nor evil dictator (that was my mom) but there is a legacy in the Guy family to be left for me.
Eyebrows.
My dad has eyebrows that you could lose a 1984 Ford Escort in. Think Jack Elam (you may remember him as Dr. Nikolas Van Helsing from Cannonball Run, Duh-Duh-Dunnn). I made some inquires to see if there was anything to be done for him since his eyebrows are merging with what was a receding hairline, and the only person who thought that they could help was John Deere. But even he was skeptical about the outcome.
Now I come from a family where if you have a weakness or minor malady it is fair game for the other family members to verbally attack you until you cry. Then we take a break until the tears stop. So for years I have been teasing my old man about his eyebrows. "Hey Dad take your visor off." Ha! Ha! Ha! Then one day about two years ago I saw it in the mirror. One eyebrow longer than the rest and aimed in the opposite direction. I froze. This can not be.
Plucking, trimming and primping are all part of my daily routine now. I used to be tough guy and now every day is like Ambush Makeover in my own home. Had I known that it would be like this I would have had laser surgery long ago. I am considering removing my eyebrows permanently and having the perfect eyebrows tattooed on my face.
As with most things, it could be a lot worse. I can groom my eyebrows with little effort (lots of recent practice) and it gives me time to reflect on myself. Oh, and if you are starting to feel sorry for me, don't. My brother got dads nose.
posted by isthebartenderhere at 2/21/2005 05:07:00 PM
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