History Lesson

"Those who fail to learn from history are destined to repeat it." It's very true. As many of you know, on Thursdays at Helix Lounge we do a performance of It's Raining Men at 10:30. About a month ago, some pyrotechnics were added to the show and each and every time we use a specific lighter, the holder of the flame catches fire. Now, its a good show and arm hair being not so important, we have conceded to the effect and disregarded health for the good of the show. After all, who would not enjoy watching Patrick wave his arm around in a panicked flail while it quickly burned like the poly-skin on T3000 Terminator model after Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn crashed a fuel truck with the cyborg in it. My point is simply, we do the same trick every week and every week someone catches fire.

Speaking of stupidity, North Korea has Nuclear Weapons. If you did not hear from one of the umpteen billion news media that "broke" the news, than let me be the first to inform you. North Korea claims to be a player.

President Bush has refuted the claim saying that it can't be true because, "there is just no such thing as nuclear weapons, they may have nuklar weapons and if so we should look into that."

Vice President Cheney had no comment because he was too busy excitedly planning our exit strategy from the war in North Korea.

Iranian and Syrian officials were duly pissed. One Iranian was quoted, "I was led to believe that we were next. It's not fair because the U.S. already had a war with them back in the 50's and we have been waiting for so long. We didn't realize that the nuclear program was still the kicker, I guess terrorism has run its course. We are going to rethink our entire 'get the U.S. to go to war with us to save our country from economic ruin' strategy."

Not to worry my little Middle Eastern friends, we are not finished with you yet. You still have stuff that we need. Now if a country develops, which has unlimited resources of, oh let's say, social security or health care reforms, we may abandon your oil fields (I mean... Need for democracy and freedom) to attack and rebuild that nation.

But lest we drift from our purpose, North Korea. The North Koreans are only trying to attract attention to themselves. They pose no real threat. It's 2005. Announcing that you have nuclear weapons is so 80's. India and Pakistan entered the nuclear world with little pomp and circumstance because the did not develop expansive delivery systems and could only blow each other up. No one cared. Today.. I think Microsoft would have to get involved. Just imagine if Bill Gates had to pay an American to answer a customer service call because New Delhi is gone. Software prices would go through the roof.

So, who could North Korea attack?

1. South Korea. Too close--- the fall out would destroy N. Korea.
2. China. Not advisable.
3. Japan. The U.S. is their army. Think about it.

Also, a small reminder to any Korean who is in favor of delivering a small nuke manually into the U.S. or any protected state; Japan surrendered in 48 hours after the U.S. flexed her muscles. Colonel Quadafi has been sucking up ever since his family experienced some U.S. F-15 anguish. The "conflicts" that the U.S. armed forces have participated in since they last visited your fine nation have been the equivalent of a kitten playing with a ball of string.

The U.S. has been very savvy about minimizing civilian casualties and protecting non military personnel. If you think that you are now a player in the nuclear era please remember one thing, you are holding a feather in a sword fight. The last time an American official held a feather he was the signing of the Declaration of Independence. True, the pen is mightier than the sword but, do you really want to chance the amount of ink it would take? One word, fission.

President Bush is a strong supporter of fission. He was quoted, "Of course I support fission, I got my very own trout stream back at the ranch in Crawford."